Published on: May 19, 2026

Tonight, the darkness feels heavier than usual. There is a strange weight inside my chest too. As Achu lies beside me, drinking milk and falling asleep, why are my eyes fixed on him without blinking? It feels as though something lost and directionless is trapped within them. Faces flash before me again and again — faces I deliberately tried to forget — rushing back into my mind without warning.

But here, I alone remain awake.

Everyone else is asleep. Asleep in a way from which they will never wake again.

You are probably wondering who these faces are. Akash, who presented me with colourful paper flowers; Niranjan, who gifted me a Christmas morning; Reshma, my namesake, who looked at me, even while breaking under unbearable pain, and asked, “Chechi, why did you cut your hair?”; and Anashwara, who whispered fearfully, “I am scared to sleep… what if I die?”

The night Anashwara was afraid to sleep was yesterday. That is why, today, I tried to erase her from my memory. But her questions keep drumming in my ears. Why was she so afraid of death? Hasn’t she gone to her mother and father now?

Have you ever watched a child sleep? I watch them. Because there is an indescribable beauty in a sleeping child. There are several of us who do this — watching them sleep, often in a slumber from which they will never awaken.

And when they sleep never to wake again, when we are expected to tie their hands and feet together, we do it gently, careful not to hurt them. The same hands with which we fed them now place cotton in their mouths. We close the eyes that remain open. Our hands feel their bodies slowly losing warmth.

When all is done, we look back once more to see if their faces still look beautiful. We comb their hair properly. And then we ask quietly, “How could you make me do this today?” Even when we are overwhelmed by pain and loss, we cannot fall apart. Because once one farewell ends, many more responsibilities wait for us.

As they fly towards a world without pain, we too keep carrying tiny aches within us, moving from one patient to another, trying to become their wings, eyes, and hearts. Every nurse who stands beside them like strength and shade when they feel they are about to fall, carries within her the warmth of a mother and the affection of a father.

Many of us complain only before God. We comfort ourselves by thinking about the little we could do. We grieve with every child we lose. We do not go around speaking of the good we have done. We are the smiling faces moving among you with hundreds of worries inside our heads. We are human beings.

Let them sleep now… and let me sleep too. Tomorrow belongs to me again. There is still so much left for me to do. If I do not sleep now, my schedule will go awry, medicines may get mixed up, doses may go wrong. So, I double-check every medicine I give.

Do not be afraid – we will not break down easily. We will overcome the pain and the challenges. We still have a lot more to do.

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