Published on: February 1, 2026

What Palliative Care Taught me about Love

When we hear the word love, most of us instinctively think of romance—partners, lovers, Valentine’s Day hearts. But love has never been that small. Love is not limited to one person or one relationship. It exists in listening, in kindness, in presence, in compassion.

In palliative care, love is everywhere—often quiet, often invisible, but deeply powerful.

It shows up when we sit beside someone who is suffering and simply stay.
When we listen without rushing to fix.
When we hold space without judgment or expectation.

Here, love is not about grand gestures or perfect words. It is about being human with another human.

Love Is a Verb

Love is not always spoken.
For some, it looks like words.
For others, it looks like silence.
For many, it looks like showing up—again and again—even when it’s uncomfortable.

In palliative care, love may mean helping someone feel heard after years of being ignored. It may mean holding a trembling hand, advocating for dignity, or gently reminding someone that they are not a burden.

Love here is acceptance—of people, of emotions, of situations we cannot change.

Learning Dependence Without Shame

One of the hardest lessons for many people is learning how to be dependent.

We are taught from a young age to be strong, independent, productive. Needing help is often framed as failure. In illness, this belief becomes painfully visible.

Many male patients struggle to accept care. They experience anger, resistance, or shame—not because they are unlovable, but because they were taught that needing support makes them weak. Their worth was measured in providing, protecting, controlling.

Similarly, many women—especially mothers—carry a quieter burden. Having spent their lives giving, they feel “too needy” when they ask for care. They worry they are being selfish, even when they are exhausted.

Palliative care gently challenges these learned beliefs. It reminds us that dependence is not weakness.
That receiving care does not reduce our dignity.
That being held is as human as holding others.

Accepting What Is

Another profound lesson palliative care teaches is acceptance—not resignation, but honest acceptance of reality.

We often exhaust ourselves fighting what is. We ask endlessly: Why did this happen? Why me? Why now? In that struggle, we lose touch with the present moment—the only place where love actually exists.

Acceptance creates space.
Space to breathe.
Space to feel.
Space to connect.

When we stop resisting reality, we begin to see love where we didn’t expect it.

Learning to Receive Love

There’s a powerful story of a renowned professor who once wrote a book titled How Can I Help? After suffering a major stroke and becoming dependent on others for even basic needs, he later reflected that the title should have been How Can You Help Me?

That shift matters.

We are taught to give, but rarely taught to receive.
We are taught to care, but not taught that we deserve care too.

Palliative care normalizes receiving—receiving attention, touch, patience, love—without guilt or apology.

When We Over-analyse Love

Somewhere along the way, many of us learned to doubt love.

We analyse intentions.
We question motives.
We ask: Why is this person being kind? What do they want? Is there something hidden?

We have learned too much, seen too much, and been hurt too often. So we complicate what was once simple.

In doing so, we miss the beauty of the world as it is.

In palliative care, intentions become clearer. When time is limited, masks fall away. What remains is presence, honesty, and care without agenda. Love becomes uncomplicated again.

And in that simplicity, healing begins.

Love as Safety

At its core, love creates safety.

When we love with compassion, the world feels less threatening.
When we are kind, hope quietly grows.
When we accept ourselves and others, healing happens—even when cure is not possible.

This Valentine’s Day, love does not need to be limited to couples. Let it remind us of love for every being around us—patients, caregivers, families, colleagues, and ourselves.

Love Begins Within

If you haven’t found love outside yet, don’t be disheartened.
It does not mean you are unworthy.

Love begins within.

When we learn to be gentle with ourselves, we naturally begin to radiate that love outward. Slowly, the world responds.

People soften.
Connections deepen.
The space around us feels safer.

A Gentle Reminder

We are full of love.
We always have been.

No matter how we were raised.
No matter how we were taught to express—or suppress—it.
No matter how much we struggle to receive it.

In palliative care, love is not an abstract idea. It is lived every day—in presence, patience, dependence, acceptance, and profound humanity.

So today, stay kind.
Be yourself.
Allow yourself to receive love as much as you give it.

Because love—beyond labels, beyond doubt, beyond fear—is always enough.

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