Published on: November 14, 2011

Do you know what a bystander is?

It is an Indian phenomenon.

A relative who endlessly stands by anyone who is admitted to hospital. By definition, he/she is not expected to sit down, let alone lie down. Most hospitals will not permit more than one of the species to be with the patient, and that person will always be busy.

This dreadful title is another way of depersonalising a human being, and the medical system is hardly aware of the implied insult.

Nazeem Beegum, a Dubai-based journalist, posted the following on Facebook – an excerpt from a manuscript:

“Where is Sainaba’s bystander?”

Each time nurses used the word bystander, I wished them to address me as Sainaba’s daughter.

But they never cared for my feelings.

And why should they? They are seeing hundreds of bystanders each day.But why dont they at least think they too will be called as a bystander by someone, someday?

They repeatedly called me bystander before the doctor even though thay made friendship with me. I wondered why they want to punish me for nothing.

After all, how long I can be called in the presence of my mother as her daughter!

If I was in my usual self, I would have picked up a quarrel with them for not showing mercy towards all those bystanders who care their dear ones.

But as the situation was not meant for creating ugly situations in front of an ailing mother, I gulped down all my frustration without a complaint and rushed to them waiting for their next word like a  lifeless rock.

I still dont understand why our hospitals call a person who cares their dear ones as bystander? Why dont they use the word carer instead of bystander?

Will someone answer, please? Nazeem is waiting.

Follow Nazeem on her blog, Twitter @nancynazeem & Facebook